The Second Beginning

 Where did this all start? Well in 2001, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Marlon D, Bradford, my late then husband found a research neurologist who set me up in a MS research trial for Antagren now named Tysabri. I did well and when the trial was over, I had been receiving the drug. On the market for over 20 years, I'm still on it, which now is called a disease modifying therapy (DMT), albeit some roadblocks along the way. I have done great for most of the past twenty years, and I am utterly grateful to have lived the life I wanted thanks to the DMT.  In 2019, my MS health declined. I did my best and got a new job that worked with my disabilities. Eventually, I became a high risk for falling. It was more of a joke early on in my illness when I wrote my one woman play, How Do You Slip On A Banana Peel Gracefully? I joked I had a business card that said,"I fall down for living." Recently, after three major falls: a broken wrist, a fractured spine, and a displaced tooth and another chipped tooth in 13 months time, I knew something had to change. Marlon had died--as an ex-husband he had remained supportive--and my daughters graciously offered to take care of me. I was used to living alone and quite independent. Somehow, I had managed to take care of myself. I had become a featured poet in the San Francisco Bay Area and continued with my writer's group, B Street Writers Collective, through the worst of the pandemic. I had also started a micro publishing company, MoonShine Star Co. I was essentially happy with my life. To give up my independence was a difficult decision. My mobility issues were a problem. My chronic fatigue took my life away--75% of my energy went towards working 20 hours a week. I knew deep down I could no longer live alone. I needed help with the basic things like cleaning house and laundry. There were many pros and cons to accepting help from my daughters--the best was spending time with my grandchildren. Financial issues had become insurmountable and I didn't realize how much stress I was under. I needed my daughters' assistance to get by. Finally, I said, "Yes" when my one daughter invited me to come stay with her until some of my financial issues were resolved. As an ex-wife widow, I was waiting for Social Security benefits from my deceased ex-husband. Upon saying yes, it was a two week time-frame which started my New Adventure. I didn't have closure on all of my outstanding matters. I didn't say goodbye to almost all my friends. I did manage to say goodbye to my mother and father, although it was bittersweet. Letting go has been a terrible process and I think it will take time to deal with it all. Though I'm progressing. I've always tried to continue my positive outlook on life, thus My New Adventure Second Time Around. 

What Lies Ahead

 I woke up early in my new surroundings with filtered light coming from behind black out curtains. The house is quiet except for the fan which now has become white noise. My cat Mijo, who I wasn’t sure I wanted him with me on my adventure, sat near me on the bed. Stroking his fur I felt comforted. We’re on this leg of the journey together. I want to ruminate on how I got to where I am at, a house with my full of life grandchildren and more. I feel all that I left behind stacked up high enough to throw me over a cliff. I’m not just falling this time with eminent danger below. I’m sailing downward not knowing where I’ll land. There’s that insecure feeling of letting go. I need to trust in all that keeps me afloat which is my faith in God. As I breathe and relax into my flight, I am able to look forward to what lies ahead. 

Second Time Around

 So I’m doing it again. I quit my job as a pharmacy technician at Clayworth Pharmacy in Castro Valley and today is my first day of semiretirement. In two days,  I fly with my cat to Southern California to start my journey. Wait that sounds so easy. My daughter after making space for me in her home is flying up to get me and take ownership of “Mijo.” I’m packing for a vacation that I’ll never return to where I started. I love the San Francisco Bay Area. More recently it became my poet home as I traveled around the Bay from one feature to the next, and one open mic after another. I even had my own readings and brought in new poets to my writer’s group, B Street Writers Collective. Life changes and I’m off in a new direction, another New Adventure. I’m open to landing anywhere from Hawaii to Alabama or even Mexico City. For now there’s a good chance I’ll make a stop at the happiest place on earth, Disneyland. My adventure can’t get better than this.